Chapter 2, Entry VI

Today is Tuesday, June 29th.  The past few days I've been doing fairly well, still having to fight my moods at times and fatigue, but have gone to the gym a couple of times.  I had a great workout on the treadmill and the recumbent bike for about an hour and besides the gym I have gone to the park and walked for 30 minutes three times, then walked in my neighborhood on top of of that.  I've really been pushing myself.  In addition to working out, I've also cleaned up my eating a great deal by eating well most of the day and only allowing myself one small blunder occasionally and keeping my meals with portion control and at or below 1550 calories a day.  I am determined to get healthier and lose weight this time.  My first goal is to get down to 165, then my second is 155, my third is 145 and my main goal.  But IF I can, then my ultimate goal would  be to get to 135 pounds, but I will be satisfied once I get to 145.

Because I have been busy both working out and also working all weekend, I haven't wrote in my diary lately.  But I am doing better than I was the last time I wrote.  The last time I wrote, I was so frustrated by different things.  I've come to realize that before I can even attempt to deal with anything else.  I have to be healthy and happy myself.  I at least have to get to a point where I can think and see clearly and doing that from a dark place is  not ideal.  So that's why I've decided to get healthier and work on being happier myself and stop letting others affect me as much as they do.  I will deal with that later when I can see things in a more clear perspective and deal with them accordingly.  In the meantime, I am still working out and feeling fairly strong...a bit edgy and yes, the depression wants to set in, but I have a bit of manic that has been in force the past few days, so I sort of fear how I will do when that manic turns depressive again, but I am going to do my best to push through and keep exercising because it does help and makes me feel so much better mentally and physically.