Entry 6

Today is Monday, May 10, 2010.  I've been busy at times and other times had a mixture of feelings, so haven't been online as much the past few days.  Saturday, I worked all day.  Overall, I had a decent day.  I felt okay.  Well except for the part where I drove half way to work my promo only to realize I still had on my flip flops, so I had to turn around and come back to change my shoes, which of course made me 30 minutes late to work and that ultimately made me aggravated and a little anxious. I tried my best to keep my aggravation and anxiety in check without taking any of my medications because I had to work and needed to focus.  Needless to say, although the day went well, it was a long day. 

Yesterday was mothers day, which was an okay day for me.  It's kind of hard for me, because I miss my mother so much.  But overall I did well with it.  I mostly felt tired and wiped out from working.  I once again had a headache.  I was exhausted both mentally and physically, so I hit the couch & decided to watch movies on TV all day yesterday and keep to myself.  I get so frustrated with myself though.  It just seems that either my mind doesn't cooperate with my body or my body doesn't cooperate with my mind.  I need them both to work together for me.

Today, I've felt a little anxious and therefore, edgy and frustrated.  I've also been getting these everyday nagging headaches.  And once again, feeling exhausted mentally and physically.  I'm feeling a little low.  I'm not exactly sure why, but I do.  I'm just feeling a little less than adequate compared to other people or "normal" people sometimes.  And although I am walking somewhat regularly, I still can't seem to establish a real consistent routine to help me where I can actually get into shape and lose any real weight.  I'm just too exhausted.  Even when I get to moving around, walking...doesn't matter, I just feel exhausted regardless.  My doctor has doubled my Risperadol to try to help bring up and stablize my mood more, as it did in the beginning.  I start taking that in a couple of days, so I'm hoping this change will also make a difference in the way I'm feeling.  When I first started taking Risperadol I was feeling fairly well, I at least had some energy and my mood was more up and stable, so again, I am hoping this change will help. 

I was able to get a couple things done today.  I fixed me some breakfast, straighted up the house a little and sat outside for about half an hour with the pup, then went for a short walk with Matte, then we rode down to the UPS store on the other side of the city. but again, overall just not feeling very well physically or mentally.  I have done some blogging.  If all else fails, I can always seem to write, if I can get started.  It helps to write.  I just sometimes have a hard time getting started.  Coming up with an idea or premise, but usually once I start, I can't seem to stop.  And on that note, I need to stop now, as it's time for dinner.  Until next time.