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Wow, it's been since February since I've wrote in my diary. I wish I could say it's because I've been busy and life has been great, but that's not the case. I've still been fighting the depression. I spend a lot of time inside this house. There's really no where to go, no one to go with and I don't have any money. When I do get out it's to get gas, go to the store or take my dog walking. Those are really the only times I get out. Truth is I don't even feel like going out because I feel so useless now. I don't feel like getting ready to go out anywhere. I just like to hang in the house in my sweat shorts and tank tops. I'm still taking my medicines regularly. It's a good thing because I think without them I would be totally suicidal without them. My dog really helps me, she is good company to me and she is always there with me. She is the one thing I have to hold on to and can make me laugh. She loves me unconditionally.
I know two things that need to happen for me to feel better. One is to lose weight, but I can't afford to run out to the gym anymore, my neighborhood isn't good for walking and I can't afford a treadmill, so I feel helpless. Two, I need to get out more. Although I don't know where I'd go, with whom or what I'd do. I don't really have but one friend here and she's busy with her life. Besides, I have no money to spend, so once again, I feel helpless. I just keep hanging on and hoping that one day those things will change and they will happen eventually. Hope is all I have.
