Chapter 3, Entry 2

Today is Monday, August 30th which happens to be my son's birthday, so Happy Birthday to my son, much love to him!  Right now, I am currently out or still in the process of coming out of my depressive state, but I'm still having some issues, especially with the irritability and anxiety, but most has to do with the outside pressures going on with my vehicle.  I've been having bad headaches and migraines too.  I've been trying to find ways to stay busy as I've started to become sort of hypo manic, so I've been working on my websites, writing/posting on my blogs, cleaning house, washing clothes, walking the dog, going to the store and things like that to try to stay busy, but those things get old.  I need some sort of activity to take up my time.  I'm hoping to get back in the gym again some once I get my jeep back, but now he tells me he thinks my bearing in my wheel is going out.  So it's just one expensive problem after another with my jeep, and I live on a fixed income, so I do NOT have the money to fix this stuff.  Now do you see why I have so much anxiety and the jeep is just the tip of the ice burg, my home life isn't exactly peachy. 

Right now I just feel sort of manic, like I need to be doing something.  Mostly it's my mind that races and that needs to be stimulated.  And while I feel somewhat okay and normal, I also feel a bit of uneasiness, anxiety and irritability.  I also have a headache again.  I'm feeling fatigued which is normal as I always feel fatigued.  As for my sleep, I am sleeping better...falling asleep easier and waking a little earlier.  I just feel this need that I need to be doing something though.  I need to be out somewhere doing something, but what?  I have no money and no car right now.   One thing I know I need to do at some point is see a counselor, but first I need to see a psychiatrist.  I should see a psychiatrist at least once a year.  But my insurance co-pay is $40 and I just don't have that.  Then outside of that I should also see a counselor on occasion for a few visits, but I can't afford that either.  So what does one do?  If you can tell me, please let me know. 

Maybe NAMI or MHA could direct me to a sliding fee scale or low cost psychiatrist and counselor.  I don't know, but it's all I can come up with.  I just know I need something.  What I really need is a part-time... and I mean VERY part-time like a 20 hours a week job that I can have a little extra money for these things.  But with my erratic mood swings and sleep patterns who knows if I could even handle that on a regular basis.  I guess I could try.  Not sure what I'm going to do next, but I guess this is all I'll write for today, so until next time.