Chapter 3, Entry 4

Wow, it's been since August since I wrote in my online diary.  It's been a combination of reasons.  I plain forgot is one reason, another is things have been really up and down like a roller coaster since that time.  I have been really struggling, mostly with being very fatigued and tired mentally and physically it seems.  I've also been having more daily headaches and migraines that usual. 

It's hard to say why all this is happening.  I am still on the same medications, so I don't really feel like it's anything specifically to do with that.  I'm sure it's partly that, but only partly.  As for the real culprit, that's a good question, the million dollar question, as least it is to me.  I just keep thinking why me?  Why do I also struggle so hard just to get out of bed, to do anything for that matter.  I really am just so fatigued.  It doesn't matter if I've had a good night's sleep or just exercised, I still feel fatigued and worn out.  Everything is a struggle to do.  Just a walk from my couch to the kitchen can be a struggle. 

Doctors just always want to say it's my depression or eat better, sleep better, exercise that will help.  Well, depressed or not, I feel this way.  And as for the rest, I have done all that and it does NOT help.  I don't know what I need to do to get through to them to make them understand.  As for my Bipolar, I am doing okay, I could be better I am sure. 

I think I am having too many depressive episodes again, but I am holding my own, doing okay which is good because at least I am semi close to being stable, I mean I have my times, but with Bipolar, I will probably always have my times when I struggle.  It's just a fact of life I have to live with and come to terms with which for the most part, I think I have now.