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Today is Wednesday, April 25th 2012. I'm feeling okay these days. Working more than I usually do, so I'm surprised that I'm okay. At least I'm okay so far. I was feeling depressed more often than not and I had zero energy. The doctor changed my medicines up a little at my last visit, so now I am now taking 1mg of Risperdone and 300 mg of Wellbutrin a day. And she's taken me off the Trazodone all together. She also suggested I take 1,000 IU of Vitamin D. I feel some better, but still not where I'd like to be.
Some days I am so tired it's I have to force myself to even shower. I still don't like going out of the house that much. I just don't like dealing with people. I even have a hard time writing anymore, it's so hard to think and my mind just gets carried away or goes blank. Whenever I'm working I always feel self conscious and less than perfect, actually far from perfect. I feel as though everyone notices every little thing I do wrong.
I get so frustrated with myself sometimes. I wish I was normal, whatever that is I don't really know. I guess I have never known. Sometimes I feel so lost and alone. I often wonder what is the meaning of my existence. I try to keep myself from thinking those darker thoughts, but they still slip into my mind on occasion. I just try not to dwell on them. But for now, I am doing okay, and yes, just "okay", but that is good for me. Today, I am fighting a bit of depression, as I get when I stay inside the house all day, but I don't have anywhere to go, nor do I want to. I'm trying to fight these feelings. Right now, I'm just going to try to relax and just enjoy my time off work until I work again this weekend. So that's all for now until next time.
Some days I am so tired it's I have to force myself to even shower. I still don't like going out of the house that much. I just don't like dealing with people. I even have a hard time writing anymore, it's so hard to think and my mind just gets carried away or goes blank. Whenever I'm working I always feel self conscious and less than perfect, actually far from perfect. I feel as though everyone notices every little thing I do wrong.
I get so frustrated with myself sometimes. I wish I was normal, whatever that is I don't really know. I guess I have never known. Sometimes I feel so lost and alone. I often wonder what is the meaning of my existence. I try to keep myself from thinking those darker thoughts, but they still slip into my mind on occasion. I just try not to dwell on them. But for now, I am doing okay, and yes, just "okay", but that is good for me. Today, I am fighting a bit of depression, as I get when I stay inside the house all day, but I don't have anywhere to go, nor do I want to. I'm trying to fight these feelings. Right now, I'm just going to try to relax and just enjoy my time off work until I work again this weekend. So that's all for now until next time.
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