Chapter 3, Entry 14

Well it's Monday, October 3, 2011.  I just came off of working three days straight which is hard for me.  It's hard for me to get out of the house period let alone to work and especially three days.  It went unusually well as far as my anxiety level went.  I had some stress and anxiety by the third day, especially because my legs and my feet were hurting by the second day, so by the third day I was really in some pain and thought I wasn't going to make it.  I took an extended 15 minute break to try to rest my feet some, it helped for about 30 minutes back into the job, but then I was in pain again.  Somehow, I made it through.  But was very stressed out by the third day because of the pain I was in and worrying about how I was going to make it through.

Usually, I only work two days straight.  But this time, she said she was in a bind, so I did it to help her, but I don't think I'll do it again.  I just can't handle three days mentally or physically.  Today, I feel proud that I did it and made it through, but really don't won't to do that again.  I have such anxiety about having to get ready to go.  Having to shower, do makeup and hair just to go out is stressful to me.  I know it sounds petty, but for me it really is stressful.  I truly hate it. 

Right now, I'm feeling pretty balanced as moods go, but don't know how long this will last.  Maybe just today.  As the week goes by and I stay inside, then the more I get depressed, but at the same time, don't want to go back out.  Once I'm back inside it's like starting all over trying to get back outside.  It never becomes any easier. 

I would really like to get back into the gym, but so far I just can't seem to make myself go.  I hate going out and especially working out around all those people.  I thought maybe I'd go for a walk, but my legs and feet are still hurting, so maybe tomorrow.  I guess that's all for now, until next time.