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Well it's been since July since I've wrote this time. I've been doing okay. Had my bad days and good. I'm home most of the time and that gets to me sometimes. During those times I tend to get more depressed and have anxiety about it. And often I become moody. I just try to realize what's going on and take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. You'd think I'd be use to these mood swings by now, but I'll never get use to them. I just keep longing for the day when I could be normal, but I know that day will never come. I just do the best with what I have.
I've been a bit depressed the last few days because I've been inside the house the whole time and fighting a cold and it's been cloudy and rainy outside. It's so strange because although I get depressed about not getting out of the house. It causes me great anxiety to have to get ready and go out of the house. So it's like I can't win for losing. Usually once I'm out I'm okay, but getting there is a big to do. I don't know what I can do about this. Part of the reason I hate getting ready is our bathroom is so small you can hardly move in there. I feel claustrophobic. And the other reason is I don't know, it just stresses me out to have to do it...shower, hair, makeup, getting dressed just so much to have to do to go out. Crazy I know. But it's how I feel. And letting these petty things get to me is so defeating. That causes me great anxiety in itself.
I don't know what the answer is, I wish I knew. I can't talk to my doctor because all I have is my regular family doctor whom I see to get my medicines because I can no longer afford a psychiatrist or counselor at $40 a visit. So I don't have anyone to talk to. I have to figure the these types of things out on my own. In the mean time I just do the best I can and like I said, take things one day at a time. I would write more often but most of my moods are pretty much about more of the same. I'll try to write a little more often than I have. But for now that is all until next time.
I've been a bit depressed the last few days because I've been inside the house the whole time and fighting a cold and it's been cloudy and rainy outside. It's so strange because although I get depressed about not getting out of the house. It causes me great anxiety to have to get ready and go out of the house. So it's like I can't win for losing. Usually once I'm out I'm okay, but getting there is a big to do. I don't know what I can do about this. Part of the reason I hate getting ready is our bathroom is so small you can hardly move in there. I feel claustrophobic. And the other reason is I don't know, it just stresses me out to have to do it...shower, hair, makeup, getting dressed just so much to have to do to go out. Crazy I know. But it's how I feel. And letting these petty things get to me is so defeating. That causes me great anxiety in itself.
I don't know what the answer is, I wish I knew. I can't talk to my doctor because all I have is my regular family doctor whom I see to get my medicines because I can no longer afford a psychiatrist or counselor at $40 a visit. So I don't have anyone to talk to. I have to figure the these types of things out on my own. In the mean time I just do the best I can and like I said, take things one day at a time. I would write more often but most of my moods are pretty much about more of the same. I'll try to write a little more often than I have. But for now that is all until next time.
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