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Today is Saturday, October 8, 2011. I am wanting to get out of the house today, but just the thought of getting ready is preventing me from doing so. Also, thinking about being around and dealing with people once I am out is another thing preventing me from doing so. I thought about taking the dog for a walk, but I just feel so exhausted. And what have I done to feel that way? Nothing. And I had the right amount of sleep. It doesn't matter what I do, I'm always tired. I am so sick and tired of being tired.
I told the doctor and they put me on Wellbutrin in case it's either the depression or chronic fatigue syndrome because wellbutrin is typically what is prescribed. It helped a little bit in the beginning...not much, but a little. Only that didn't last but a few weeks, then it was right back where I started from.
Then I don't want to have to go out and deal with people by myself. It makes me a nervous wreck and anxious. I don't do too bad in the store if everyone stays away from me, but if they come near me or crowd me in an isle, then I get really anxious. I feel lightheaded like I'm gonna pass out.
So the question is, will I make it out of the house today? There's probably a 70/30 chance being 70% I won't make it out. I can sit here and look out the window at the beautiful weather and imagine myself getting ready and then going out and enjoying the beautiful weather...shopping, but then that's only because I'm imagining it. I can't bring myself to do it.
I know I'm not like everyone else, I have an illness, but I just wish I could be normal without this illness. I often wonder what kind of person I'd be if I didn't have this. Sometimes it hurts and I feel so bad about myself for being this way. I try to keep in my mind that this is an illness not all my fault, but sometimes it's just hard. Some days more than others and today is one of those days.
I guess I will continue to look out the window and imagine and if I get up the strength to go out then great if not, then my illness wins again. Until next time.
I told the doctor and they put me on Wellbutrin in case it's either the depression or chronic fatigue syndrome because wellbutrin is typically what is prescribed. It helped a little bit in the beginning...not much, but a little. Only that didn't last but a few weeks, then it was right back where I started from.
Then I don't want to have to go out and deal with people by myself. It makes me a nervous wreck and anxious. I don't do too bad in the store if everyone stays away from me, but if they come near me or crowd me in an isle, then I get really anxious. I feel lightheaded like I'm gonna pass out.
So the question is, will I make it out of the house today? There's probably a 70/30 chance being 70% I won't make it out. I can sit here and look out the window at the beautiful weather and imagine myself getting ready and then going out and enjoying the beautiful weather...shopping, but then that's only because I'm imagining it. I can't bring myself to do it.
I know I'm not like everyone else, I have an illness, but I just wish I could be normal without this illness. I often wonder what kind of person I'd be if I didn't have this. Sometimes it hurts and I feel so bad about myself for being this way. I try to keep in my mind that this is an illness not all my fault, but sometimes it's just hard. Some days more than others and today is one of those days.
I guess I will continue to look out the window and imagine and if I get up the strength to go out then great if not, then my illness wins again. Until next time.
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