Chapter 3, Entry 7

Dear Diary, today is Monday, December 20, 2010.  I made it though work this past weekend.  I worked two days straight, but it was hard.  I have a three day weekend to work coming up in January, but I'm not sure sure I can do it.  One day I can do, two I can just barely make it through, so three I just really don't think I can.  It's too stressful and causes me so much anxiety, not to mention with all the added weight I've gained it's hard physically to stand up for six hours a day each down when my knees, back and feet kill me after the first four hours of the first day.  I just thank god I made it through the last two days and it's over. 


Today, I am not feeling all that well.  Feeling a little depression for some reason.  I have the beginnings of a migraine, so I'm sure that's part of it because I don't feel well.  The other part is I didn't quite have enough money for Christmas that I wanted.  Another $30 would have done it, but oh well.  Also making it tough to work, I worked two days with back, knee and foot pain, then I'm finally off only to get a migraine.  When does it end?  I'm trying not to let it get to me, but sometimes it's hard not to feel defeated by your illness(es).  That's one reason I'm doing some writing today, to get my mind off of it, get my feelings out and keep my mind occupied.  I'm going to take it easy the rest of the day and just focus on me relaxing and hopefully my migraine will go away and I will start to feel some better.


Now on to Christmas.  I was thinking of fixing Christmas dinner on Christmas day, but don't think it's going to happen this year, so I am somewhat depressed about it.  Depressed that I won't have my son here for dinner, but then again happy that I don't have the pressure of fixing all that food.  And depressed about not quite having enough money, but at least I had enough to make do.  So honestly, I have mixed feelings about Christmas.


I guess that's all for today.  I'm just going to keep focusing on trying to not be defeated by all these feelings and I'm just going to try my best to push through it.  So until next time diary.